Fandom is a Way of Life

Just an experiment. Reblog if you actually give a fuck about male victims of domestic violence and rape.

(via homesteadilee)

obfuscobble:

nellasaur:

obfuscobble:

lizwuzthere:

“The amount of non-con in this fandom disturbs me.”

WOW YES. THIS. REALLY.

SERIOUSLY, FANDOM, STOP THE “NON-CON.”  Why you gotta be so rape-filled, TF fandom?  WHYYYY?  It’s not endearing.  it’s actually disgusting and off-putting.  it’s why we can’t have nice things.  It’s why I occasionally feel shame for being in this fandom.

You say that like there’s a single reasonably populated fandom out there without a healthy streak of non-con in their fanworks. It’s not like non-con smut is TF fandom’s Sekrit Shameful Problem or something.

If the rapefic is why TF fandom can’t have nice things, show me a fandom that can, huh?

Listen, TF fandom, I know that there are some particularly troubling trends within the rapefic around here. I know I’m getting pretty sick of people writing Megatron/SS rape porn and trying to tell me it’s consensual BDSM. I’m very sick of people blithely ignoring consent and trust issues when it comes to sex, or writing one partner pressuring the other into sex acts because “he doesn’t know he wants me”. Some of the things I’ve seen passed off as consensual sex acts— or even worse, romantic consensual sex acts— are horrifying!

But you know what? Every fandom with an active population of porn writers has this problem, to some extent. Every single one. You know why? Because it’s a symptom of a bigger problem regarding sexual consent in our very culture. Telling the TF fandom specifically that it’s disturbing or disgusting because of this is like singling out one individual turd from a steaming pile of crap and holding it up as the turdiest turd. It’s not going to stop anyone or change anything, and it’s not fair to shame our particular slice or nerdery for it like we’re some unique little clutch of deviants.

I’m not ashamed to write or read or like non-con. I think that when it’s written as the violation it is, it can be an incredibly powerful storytelling tool. I also think nonconsensual sex is a fetish that doesn’t deserve any particular shame (as long as it remains a fantasy only, of course) and the people who enjoy it should feel free to do so in the relatively safety of a medium like fanfiction.

But like my friend Theo here I make a conscious effort to never misrepresent rape and sexual abuse as anything but a profound violation. It’s not a “dark and edgy romance”. It’s not “twisted”. It’s not romantic to hold someone down and fuck them until the only way they can get you to stop violating them is to play along. It’s not romantic to give someone no real choice in whether they have sex with you. There are more ways to coerce someone into sex than saying “fuck me or I’ll hit you”— consent is bigger and more situational than that.

And that is what occasionally disturbs me about this fandom— and other fandoms, and mainstream fiction, and 90% of “romantic” love songs. It’s not a problem specific to our fandom, and waving a flag and going “EVERYONE WHO WRITES NON-CON IS DISTURBING AND DISGUSTING AND SHAMEFUL” isn’t even coming CLOSE to acknowledging what the real problem is.

First off, I understand the points you are making about the gender politics and consent issues that are plaguing fanfiction in general, and I agree.  Consent is a very complex and weighty issue.  And often, consent in fanfiction is presented in dubious terms.  As a society, the- no wait, as a SPECIES, humans need to wake up and learn that no is no, even when the aggressor has taken steps to ensure that the victim cannot, for physical or social reasons, say no.  Everyone needs to be aware of what rape is : sex without consent.  Consent is when both parties, of their free will, without coercion, agree to sex.

However, I can and will stand up in the TF fandom and say “Oi, what you’re writing, and the volume at which you’re writing it, makes me uncomfortable.”  I am pointing out a turd and calling it the turdiest turd because if we don’t start somewhere, the fanfiction keeps shitting.  I’m not trying to point out the TF fandom in particular as having a rape fiction problem.  it’s simply that I am vocal within this fandom.  If I were in ATLA/ATOK, or Supernatural, or DCU fandom, I would stand up and say the same thing.  I have no shame in saying that I think the fandom that I am in, with people who will listen to me, needs to second-check itself about how it presents consent in fanfiction.  I am anti-rape.  I would like the TF fandom to have less rape in it.  Especially the MegaScream.

You bring up rape-as-fantasy-only as a fetish.  This is a complex issue that I cannot speak to since I do not share the fetish and I have not read enough academic papers on the subject.  I am aware that it is a fetish, and a surprisingly widespread one.  Most importantly, having a rape fetish does not mean that that person wants to be raped, because it’s only a fantasy.  I get that.

Now I must say that with rape fetishism in mind, I still want to bring up that there is way too much rapefic.  Yes, it’s not my kink.  Yes, if I don’t like it, I don’t have to read it - and I don’t!  I don’t read the rapefic.  That’s the power of Fic Warnings.  But I think that the prevalence of rape fiction in TF and other fandoms may be a cause of the muddling of consent in other fanfic.  All it takes if for a few people to not tag their fic, or to rely on “dub-con” and all of a sudden, the younger members of the fandom, the impressionable ones who are probably less experienced in relationships in general, will read a “consensual” fanfic and get a warped sense of what consent is.  Or even the older members of the fandom.

I really want to point a finger of “j’accuse!” at dub-con.  I don’t think dub-con is a real category.  Dubious consent.  If the consent is dubious, it is not consent.  I think that dub-con is a weaselly way to describe rape that isn’t the “stranger in a dark alley” sort.  So we have two fic warnings, non-con and dub-con, both of which mean, by definition of a lack of full consent, RAPE.  Rape is rape.

Putting my foot down here.  I stand by my opinion that the amount of non-con in this fandom disturbs me, and so does its effect on other fiction.  This is a sliver of the larger disgust I have for how rape is defended in western society, and its victims falsely blamed.  I am angry at all rape.  Therefore, I am angry at the rape specifically portrayed in Transformers fanfiction.  To make an excuse of “oh it’s just a story” or “there’s rape in every fandom” is to ignore that there’s still rape there. 

I don’t have a rape fetish.  I find the idea of rape in fiction off-putting.  I have a right to that opinion.  Nella, you know I like and respect you.  I’m not calling you evil.  I’m explaining how I feel about a very controversial subject.  I don’t have a pee fetish either.  I still think that that’s pretty darn gross.  There is a state where I can tolerate something but not accept it for myself.  The old adage goes “it’s okay to not like things just don’t be a dick about it.”  I’m trying really hard to not be a dick but still explain my position.

If your fundamental argument boils down to “rape is so bad that no one should ever talk about it or address it in fiction in any way and the very thought of it makes me angry”, I don’t think you and I can continue to have any kind of productive discourse on this topic. I cannot stress enough how much I do not fucking agree.

Be angry at the people who conflate rape and romance. Be angry at the prevalence of fic that protrays nonconsensual sex without trigger warnings, tags, or even awareness that what they’re writing is rape. Be angry at the society that treats forcible stranger rape as the only “real” form of rape. Be angry at the fact that the lines are so blurred that people can write dubious consent fic and not seem to realize that what they’ve portrayed is rape. All of these are very real and valid facets of this argument to be concerned about. Personally, I know I’m concerned about them.

But there is a huge huge HUGE fucking gap between “this fandom has a problem with glorifying and romanticising rape and that needs to be addressed” and “this fandom needs to stop writing rapefic”. There is an even huger gap between “rape fic makes me uncomfortable and I wish there was less of it” and “this fandom needs to stop writing rapefic”.

You’re entitled to your opinion, Scobble, and you’re absolutely entitled to your own personal level of concern and comfort. You are not, however, entitled to make grand proclamations about what fandom should and shouldn’t write predicated on that opinion. “Putting your foot down” on rapefic as a whole, without qualification or consideration of why it might be written or what value it potentially has, just makes you seem like a sanctimonious ass.

Sorry.

(Source: dirty-tf-secrets)

obfuscobble:

lizwuzthere:

“The amount of non-con in this fandom disturbs me.”

WOW YES. THIS. REALLY.

SERIOUSLY, FANDOM, STOP THE “NON-CON.”  Why you gotta be so rape-filled, TF fandom?  WHYYYY?  It’s not endearing.  it’s actually disgusting and off-putting.  it’s why we can’t have nice things.  It’s why I occasionally feel shame for being in this fandom.

You say that like there’s a single reasonably populated fandom out there without a healthy streak of non-con in their fanworks. It’s not like non-con smut is TF fandom’s Sekrit Shameful Problem or something.

If the rapefic is why TF fandom can’t have nice things, show me a fandom that can, huh?

Listen, TF fandom, I know that there are some particularly troubling trends within the rapefic around here. I know I’m getting pretty sick of people writing Megatron/SS rape porn and trying to tell me it’s consensual BDSM. I’m very sick of people blithely ignoring consent and trust issues when it comes to sex, or writing one partner pressuring the other into sex acts because “he doesn’t know he wants me”. Some of the things I’ve seen passed off as consensual sex acts— or even worse, romantic consensual sex acts— are horrifying!

But you know what? Every fandom with an active population of porn writers has this problem, to some extent. Every single one. You know why? Because it’s a symptom of a bigger problem regarding sexual consent in our very culture. Telling the TF fandom specifically that it’s disturbing or disgusting because of this is like singling out one individual turd from a steaming pile of crap and holding it up as the turdiest turd. It’s not going to stop anyone or change anything, and it’s not fair to shame our particular slice or nerdery for it like we’re some unique little clutch of deviants.

I’m not ashamed to write or read or like non-con. I think that when it’s written as the violation it is, it can be an incredibly powerful storytelling tool. I also think nonconsensual sex is a fetish that doesn’t deserve any particular shame (as long as it remains a fantasy only, of course) and the people who enjoy it should feel free to do so in the relatively safety of a medium like fanfiction.

But like my friend Theo here I make a conscious effort to never misrepresent rape and sexual abuse as anything but a profound violation. It’s not a “dark and edgy romance”. It’s not “twisted”. It’s not romantic to hold someone down and fuck them until the only way they can get you to stop violating them is to play along. It’s not romantic to give someone no real choice in whether they have sex with you. There are more ways to coerce someone into sex than saying “fuck me or I’ll hit you”— consent is bigger and more situational than that.

And that is what occasionally disturbs me about this fandom— and other fandoms, and mainstream fiction, and 90% of “romantic” love songs. It’s not a problem specific to our fandom, and waving a flag and going “EVERYONE WHO WRITES NON-CON IS DISTURBING AND DISGUSTING AND SHAMEFUL” isn’t even coming CLOSE to acknowledging what the real problem is.

(Source: dirty-tf-secrets)

"Look, guys. No matter what a girl does, no matter how she’s dressed, no matter how much she’s had to drink, it’s never, never, never, never, never okay to touch her without her consent. That doesn’t make you a man, it makes you a coward."

Vice President Joe “the BAMF” Biden, in a speech launching the federal government’s campaign to fight sexual violence on college campuses (via girl-non-grata)

It’s really sad that I had to check the source AND doublecheck that it wasn’t a fake page before I was able to believe that a man actually said this. 

But, wow, go Vice Prez.  You get it.  Does anyone have pics of the actual campaign stuff?

(via notcuddles)

I’ve seen this response probably HUNDREDS of times as this quote makes the rounds, and it really depresses me. It shows how little play the issue of violence against women gets in the mainstream if the overwhelming majority of people know nothing about the Vice President fighting domestic violence and sexual assault for DECADES of his career. Considering his political career, it’s really no surprise at all that Biden would say this. I’m glad this quote has been reblogged so much because I want Biden to get credit he deserves for all the good works he’s done on behalf of women. I want people to NOT be surprised when they hear him say the things he’s been saying for years.

Yes, MEN DO CARE about women.

(via girl-non-grata)

(via neraiutsuze)

"

To all those who don’t think the rape joke was a problem, or rape jokes are a problem.

I get it, you’re a decent guy. I can even believe it. You’ve never raped anybody. You would NEVER rape anybody. You’re upset that all these feminists are trying to accuse you of doing something or connect you to doing something that, as far as you’re concerned, you’ve never done and would never condone.

And they’ve told you about triggers, and PTSD, and how one in six women is a survivor, and you get it. You do. But you can’t let every time someone gets all upset get in the way of you having a good time, right?

So fine. If all those arguments aren’t going anything for you, let me tell you this. And I tell you this because I genuinely believe you mean it when you say you don’t want to hurt anybody, and you don’t see the harm, and that it’s important to you to do your best to be a decent and good person. And I genuinely believe you when you say you would never associate with a rapist and you think rape really is a very bad thing.

Because this is why I refuse to take rape jokes sitting down-

6% of college age men, slightly over 1 in 20, will admit to raping someone in anonymous surveys, as long as the word “rape” isn’t used in the description of the act.

6% of Penny Arcade’s target demographic will admit to actually being rapists when asked.

A lot of people accuse feminists of thinking that all men are rapists. That’s not true. But do you know who think all men are rapists?

Rapists do.

They really do. In psychological study, the profiling, the studies, it comes out again and again.

Virtually all rapists genuinely believe that all men rape, and other men just keep it hushed up better. And more, these people who really are rapists are constantly reaffirmed in their belief about the rest of mankind being rapists like them by things like rape jokes, that dismiss and normalize the idea of rape.

If one in twenty guys is a real and true rapist, and you have any amount of social activity with other guys like yourself, really cool guy, then it is almost a statistical certainty that one time hanging out with friends and their friends, playing Halo with a bunch of guys online, in a WoW guild, or elsewhere, you were talking to a rapist. Not your fault. You can’t tell a rapist apart any better than anyone else can. It’s not like they announce themselves.

But, here’s the thing. It’s very likely that in some of these interactions with these guys, at some point or another someone told a rape joke. You, decent guy that you are, understood that they didn’t mean it, and it was just a joke. And so you laughed.

And, decent guy who would never condone rape, who would step in and stop rape if he saw it, who understands that rape is awful and wrong and bad, when you laughed?

That rapist who was in the group with you, that rapist thought that you were on his side. That rapist knew that you were a rapist like him. And he felt validated, and he felt he was among his comrades.

You. The rapist’s comrade.

And if that doesn’t make you feel sick to your stomach, if that doesn’t make you want to throw up, if that doesn’t disturb you or bother you or make you feel like maybe you should at least consider not participating in that kind of humor anymore…

Well, maybe you aren’t as opposed to rapists as you claim.

[Source] (via keylimepie)

This is the article I send to people who don’t see the problem with rape jokes. 

(via feministfairytale)

(via dytabytes)

neraiutsuze:

Have I ever had “ANY unwanted/undesired physical or sexual contact”?

aimsme:

face-down-asgard-up:

moniquill:

thebaddominicana:

Earlier in this pregnancy, I filled out my “Initial Health History” form for prenatal and birth care. You know: check the box if you’ve experienced severe headaches, diabetes, all sorts of things. After the usual “Emotional abuse,” “Physical abuse,” “Sexual abuse,” I got to this very interesting item: ”ANY unwanted/undesired physical or sexual contact.”

read the link. so spot on.

[trigger warning LIKE WHOA at the link for rape culture, coercion, molestation, and general unwanted attention]

Because I can hardly stand the thought of these constant erosions of personhood seeming normal to our daughters and sons.

READ THIS

Everyone needs to read this.

Please be cognizant of triggers but this is a very insightful look into the pervasiveness of both rape culture and the broader objectification of woman’s bodies for the pleasure and attention of men.

(Source: manifestfreedom)

sociallyrelevant:

trigger warnings for sexual abuse.

guiltysky:

My name is Natalie and I’m at the end of my tether.

When the Penn State sexual abuse came out, I came clean to my parents on what happened to me. I did it because coworkers joked about it, it was on the news, and it was on every social media site I’m on. I cannot fault my parents’ reaction, but it wasn’t a pretty one. There has been misguided victim blaming; I was told I was obligated to say something, I was told I should have said something. But as time went on, I started to relive and remember key parts of what happened to me. I was abused when I was five years old and again at the age of seven and I remember it all the way up until I was nine.  I’ve repressed this up until I was 17 and then it escalated in the past months where I couldn’t even do my work.

My work performance has taken a terrible turn all because of what I’m remembering. I’m going to lose my job for it. I went to a psychiatric hospital for help for my own will and I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD. I  knew I was going to lose my job and I did it because I wanted a solid path with what I could work with in terms of getting help. I need therapy to undo the trauma I’m remembering. 

I’m going to lose my health insurance. I’m going to be unemployed. 

One of my abusers may not even be prosecuted because of statutes of limitations and he was a repeat offender. I’ve felt guilty about that for a very long time. At this rate, I’m sure it’s going to hit a snag because of my involvement with Occupy.

I’m not begging for handouts, this is why I dare not link a Paypal. I just want help; I want to work, I want to pay for my treatment and my hospital deductible. I have no idea what to do other than this. I’ve got a resume, a phone, and computer.  I WANT to work, I want to be happy and be like any other responsible adult.

Advice would be nice, too. Tumblr, I’m reaching out to you because I want to live. I don’t want to remember anymore, I don’t know what else to do and I’m scared. I can freely admit I’m getting worse.

Signal boost. Natalie’s awesome and if anybody knows anything that’ll help, please reply or comment or contact her.

death-by-ocean:

tropical-fruit:

glittered-soul:

This is from the slut walk. One of the arguments is that girls ask for rape because they wear slutty clothes, short skirts, tight, low-cut tops. This girl is an example of the fact that rape victims can look like anyone, you, me, this girl. Rapists. Dont. Discriminate.

I promised a long time ago that I’d reblog this whenever I saw it on my dash. No regrets, it breaks my heart every single time.

an incredibly important message, rape is rape. no one is ever asking for it. a woman has the right to dress how ever they want - it is society that identifies risque dressing as ‘asking for it’, and in my opinion, that way of thinking needs to be diminished.

always reblog

That way of thinking shouldn’t be diminished: it should be destroyed.

always always always reblog.

very powerful.

omg the look in her eyes :’(

(via imgTumble)

I will always reblog. 

(Source: rapeculturemakesmeangry, via neraiutsuze)

Did you guys hear what the FBI did today?

youdontlooklikeafeminist:

iamateenagefeminist:

They officially redefined rape to include male and female victims and removed the word “forcible” so that rapes that are not committed via physical force count as rape. 

A victory for rape victims everywhere. 

WIN!

(via elementalsight)

"Being born a woman is an awful tragedy… Yes, my consuming desire to mingle with road crews, sailors and soldiers, bar room regulars - to be a part of a scene, anonymous, listening, recording - all is spoiled by the fact that I am a girl, a female always in danger of assault and battery. My consuming interest in men and their lives is often misconstrued as a desire to seduce them, or as an invitation to intimacy. Yet, God, I want to talk to everybody I can as deeply as I can. I want to be able to sleep in an open field, to travel west, to walk freely at night…"

Sylvia Plath, on rape culture (via lotus-eyes)

This makes me want to cry.

(via celticthistle)

It pisses me off when I hear people, even those who have English majors (heck, even a couple of professors) blow Plath off as a basket case and a fluffy writer who basically snuck into the literary canon through the back door with emo poetry by being married to Ted Hughes. 

Sylvia Plath wrote some extremely emotional stuff, yes. And it was often very personal. 

She also wrote tons of poetry that was not about her personal life, and was powerful enough to blow anyone reading it away. And The Bell Jar, which wasn’t “just” a semi-autobiographical account of depression, it was a cry of rage against the feminine mystique and the way women in society at that time were treated and how it could drive any woman with frustrated ambitions and talents crazy. And she wrote literary criticism, and she wrote feminist essays. Lots. 

Sylvia Plath was prolific, gifted, far from lightweight, and got short shrift from the literary establishment. Every feminist needs to read her. Also Kate Chopin and Virginia Woolf.

(via justother)

This quote always cuts right through me.

(via polyesterspectre)

(Source: raccoonwounds, via shuraiya)

(Source: i-suckseed, via pinkandporcelain)

Being ugly isn’t all that bad. At least I’ll never get raped.

idgiebay:

neraiutsuze:

thatfunnyblog:

fairyfashion:

thats what i always think everyday AHAH

http://thatfunnyblog.tumblr.com/

NOT ACTUALLY HOW RAPE WORKS

TAKE YOUR RAPE CULTURE SHIT OFF MY DASH

This. ^^^^ I mean wow. Wow. I don’t even know what to say about this. IS THIS A VERY POOR ATTEMPT AT HUMOR? BECAUSE WOW. Talk about ignorance. Christ…